1 00:00:48,567 --> 00:00:50,200 All right, everybody. All right. 2 00:00:50,234 --> 00:00:51,367 Mach schnell, schnell, schnell, 3 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:52,634 schnell, schnell, schnell, schnell! 4 00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:54,200 All right, everybody. Everybody, all right. 5 00:00:54,234 --> 00:00:55,701 Hey, Schultz, what's going on here? 6 00:00:55,734 --> 00:00:56,868 We're not having a party. 7 00:00:56,901 --> 00:00:58,367 Order of Colonel Klink, 8 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,367 all prisoners from Barracks 3 have to be moved in here. 9 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:02,801 Do these guys have a reservation? 10 00:01:02,834 --> 00:01:04,801 This is no way to run a hotel. 11 00:01:04,834 --> 00:01:06,467 I'm writing a letter to the Red Cross. 12 00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:07,868 And I'm going to write a letter 13 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,067 to The Times, straightaway. 14 00:01:10,834 --> 00:01:13,133 All right, all right, hold it, hold it. 15 00:01:13,167 --> 00:01:15,501 Hold it. Hold it. 16 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,000 What's our jolly innkeeper up to now? 17 00:01:17,033 --> 00:01:18,334 Komm... Well... 18 00:01:18,367 --> 00:01:20,534 Kommandant Klink wants to make room 19 00:01:20,567 --> 00:01:22,167 for three more prisoners. 20 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,501 That's all I know. 21 00:01:23,534 --> 00:01:24,834 Is that all? 22 00:01:24,868 --> 00:01:26,467 For goodness sakes. 23 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:32,000 Oh, I'm sorry, Schultz, would you care for some? 24 00:01:32,033 --> 00:01:33,968 I can't eat it all... I'm on a diet. 25 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,267 On you, it wouldn't show. 26 00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:37,133 Chocolate, huh? 27 00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:39,634 Mm, chocolate. 28 00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:42,634 What about those three new prisoners, Schultz? 29 00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:43,968 Three Americans. 30 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,467 They're on their way 31 00:01:45,501 --> 00:01:48,000 to a maximum security prison in Berlin. 32 00:01:48,033 --> 00:01:49,501 They need a whole barracks for that? 33 00:01:49,534 --> 00:01:52,667 The Gestapo doesn't want them to talk to anyone. 34 00:01:52,701 --> 00:01:55,501 They must know something pretty important, huh? 35 00:01:55,534 --> 00:01:59,667 Maybe they do, but me, I know nothing. 36 00:01:59,701 --> 00:02:01,534 Noth... 37 00:02:02,868 --> 00:02:04,033 Mmm, nothing. 38 00:02:16,868 --> 00:02:18,100 Come in, come in. 39 00:02:19,868 --> 00:02:21,367 Ah, Hogan. 40 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,334 I understand you wish to register a compliant 41 00:02:23,367 --> 00:02:25,367 because we're moving more men into your barracks? 42 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:26,767 Yes, sir. 43 00:02:26,801 --> 00:02:29,534 Well, if you're not happy here, 44 00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:32,334 why don't you try another foolish escape? 45 00:02:32,367 --> 00:02:33,701 Escape? 46 00:02:33,734 --> 00:02:35,234 Who'd want to leave all this? 47 00:02:35,267 --> 00:02:36,701 Hogan, you're wasting my time. 48 00:02:36,734 --> 00:02:38,934 Your men will have to suffer a little inconvenience. 49 00:02:38,968 --> 00:02:41,601 You know, overcrowding is against the Geneva convention. 50 00:02:41,634 --> 00:02:43,834 Also under the rules of the Geneva convention, 51 00:02:43,868 --> 00:02:46,868 I am not obliged to share my cookies with you. 52 00:02:46,901 --> 00:02:48,334 I forgot to read that part, sir. 53 00:02:48,367 --> 00:02:49,934 Come in, come in. 54 00:02:49,968 --> 00:02:51,167 Herr Kommandant. 55 00:02:52,868 --> 00:02:54,200 Captain Heinrich is here 56 00:02:54,234 --> 00:02:57,200 and the three Americans are waiting in the truck. 57 00:02:57,234 --> 00:02:58,701 What? What? 58 00:03:00,234 --> 00:03:02,367 Women. 59 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:03,901 Women? 60 00:03:04,167 --> 00:03:05,400 Women! 61 00:03:05,434 --> 00:03:06,400 Women. 62 00:03:06,434 --> 00:03:09,000 The prisoners are women? 63 00:03:09,033 --> 00:03:11,167 We are not set up for women. 64 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,667 Why wasn't I notified? 65 00:03:12,701 --> 00:03:14,167 This is impossible. 66 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,934 Always Berlin sends their problems to Klink. 67 00:03:16,968 --> 00:03:19,400 That's what you get for being Mr. Nice Guy. 68 00:03:19,434 --> 00:03:21,968 Schultz, take these women off the truck 69 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,868 and move them to Barracks 3. 70 00:03:23,901 --> 00:03:25,567 There's plenty of room in my place, Schultz. 71 00:03:25,601 --> 00:03:26,601 Move the girls in with me. 72 00:03:26,634 --> 00:03:28,033 Jawohl... Schultz! 73 00:03:28,067 --> 00:03:29,701 When do I get to interrogate them, sir? 74 00:03:29,734 --> 00:03:31,534 You seem to forget they are my prisoners. 75 00:03:31,567 --> 00:03:32,901 Now, Schultz, 76 00:03:32,934 --> 00:03:36,033 I want you to put them under maximum security, 77 00:03:36,067 --> 00:03:38,100 and send Captain Heinrich in. 78 00:03:38,167 --> 00:03:39,701 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 79 00:03:39,734 --> 00:03:41,701 Hogan, dismissed. 80 00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:57,434 Hold it a minute, will ya?! 81 00:03:57,701 --> 00:03:59,167 Come on. 82 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,667 It's only temporary. 83 00:04:00,701 --> 00:04:02,734 Say, who are those three new prisoners, anyway? 84 00:04:02,767 --> 00:04:04,200 Well, they've got to be officers. 85 00:04:04,234 --> 00:04:07,100 Blimey, they always get the icing off the cake. 86 00:04:07,234 --> 00:04:08,868 No offense, sir. 87 00:04:08,901 --> 00:04:10,033 They're not officers. 88 00:04:10,067 --> 00:04:11,367 They're maximum security prisoners. 89 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,100 They must have some valuable information 90 00:04:13,133 --> 00:04:15,200 or the Krauts wouldn't be moving them to Berlin. 91 00:04:15,234 --> 00:04:16,701 Information about what? 92 00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:18,334 We won't know until we make contact. 93 00:04:18,367 --> 00:04:19,834 How are we going to do that? 94 00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:22,334 By digging out that old tunnel to Barracks 3. 95 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,334 Dig and dig. That's all we do. 96 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,667 All right, hold it, hold it, will ya? 97 00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:30,834 Now we've dug an ingenious tunnel system, 98 00:04:30,868 --> 00:04:32,000 and I'm proud of you. 99 00:04:32,033 --> 00:04:33,267 And I know you'll pitch in 100 00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:35,501 and dig just one more with the proper spirit. 101 00:04:35,534 --> 00:04:38,634 I didn't join the RAF to become a ruddy gopher. 102 00:04:38,734 --> 00:04:39,868 I hate tunnels. 103 00:04:39,901 --> 00:04:42,200 I never even rode on the Metro. 104 00:04:42,234 --> 00:04:44,534 Look, I can't order you to dig this tunnel. 105 00:04:44,567 --> 00:04:46,267 I'm asking for volunteers. 106 00:04:48,534 --> 00:04:50,534 Oh, I see. 107 00:04:50,567 --> 00:04:52,367 That's the way it's going to be, huh? 108 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,334 All right, I'll just have to figure another way 109 00:04:55,367 --> 00:04:57,834 to make contact with those three girls. 110 00:04:57,868 --> 00:04:59,000 Girls? Girls? Girls? 111 00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:01,100 Sir, I hereby volunteer for King and Empire. 112 00:05:01,133 --> 00:05:02,334 Moi aussi. 113 00:05:02,367 --> 00:05:03,801 Lafayette, I am here. 114 00:05:03,834 --> 00:05:05,400 I could be trampled to death 115 00:05:05,434 --> 00:05:07,534 by this sudden display of patriotism. 116 00:05:07,567 --> 00:05:09,334 We British, sir, have always felt very friendly 117 00:05:09,367 --> 00:05:10,601 towards you people in the colonies. 118 00:05:10,634 --> 00:05:11,868 Oh, yeah? 119 00:05:11,901 --> 00:05:13,200 Where were you when we sent them 120 00:05:13,234 --> 00:05:14,334 the Statue of Liberty? 121 00:05:15,534 --> 00:05:16,634 How long did it take us 122 00:05:16,667 --> 00:05:18,801 to dig that tunnel to the barbed wire fence? 123 00:05:18,834 --> 00:05:20,934 Well, we used eight men, and as I remember, 124 00:05:20,968 --> 00:05:22,367 it took us about... 16 hours. 125 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,367 Yeah, 16 hours. 126 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,033 All right, this is twice the distance. 127 00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:26,901 How long will it take to get to the girls? 128 00:05:26,934 --> 00:05:28,834 About an hour-and-a-half, sir. 129 00:05:28,868 --> 00:05:30,767 I wouldn't let you dig this alone. 130 00:05:30,801 --> 00:05:32,300 Well, with help, 20 minutes. 131 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,834 Look, this is a military mission, 132 00:05:37,868 --> 00:05:39,334 not a friendship club. 133 00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:43,033 So, I'm going to talk to the girls. 134 00:05:43,067 --> 00:05:46,033 That's a bit cheeky, even for an officer. 135 00:05:46,067 --> 00:05:48,267 Do you know how long its been since I've seen a woman? 136 00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:50,100 It's been even longer for me. 137 00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:51,501 Yeah, but I'm French. 138 00:05:51,534 --> 00:05:54,067 Couldn't we just shake hands with them? 139 00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:55,300 It would be the firing squad 140 00:05:55,334 --> 00:05:57,100 if you fellows were caught with the girls. 141 00:05:57,133 --> 00:05:59,467 You weren't... I'm not going to let you risk your lives. 142 00:05:59,501 --> 00:06:00,534 You weren't that worried 143 00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:02,734 when you sent me out there to cut that barbed wire. 144 00:06:03,834 --> 00:06:05,467 Making contact with those girls 145 00:06:05,501 --> 00:06:07,400 could be the turning point in the war. 146 00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:10,033 It would be for me. 147 00:06:10,067 --> 00:06:11,968 Then I can count on you to dig the tunnel? 148 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,400 You can count on me, sir. 149 00:06:13,434 --> 00:06:15,234 With me bare hands if necessary. 150 00:06:15,267 --> 00:06:16,501 Me, too. 151 00:06:16,534 --> 00:06:18,434 Just digging within four feet of a woman 152 00:06:18,467 --> 00:06:20,267 is better than never to have loved at all. 153 00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:29,834 I'd sure like to know what they're going to do with us? 154 00:06:29,868 --> 00:06:31,033 I wouldn't. 155 00:06:31,067 --> 00:06:33,067 I'd feel a lot better if we didn't have 156 00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:35,200 that Captain Heinrich for a den mother. 157 00:06:35,234 --> 00:06:37,834 Yes, he's seen too many Erich von Stroheim movies. 158 00:06:37,868 --> 00:06:40,501 Who's Erich von Stroheim? 159 00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:41,667 He was before your time, dear. 160 00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:42,834 Shh. 161 00:06:42,868 --> 00:06:43,868 Quiet. 162 00:06:51,534 --> 00:06:53,834 Okay, come on. 163 00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:02,667 Hey! 164 00:07:02,701 --> 00:07:04,167 Wait a minute, hold it. 165 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,133 I'm an American and a veteran. 166 00:07:06,167 --> 00:07:07,767 We thought you were a German. 167 00:07:07,801 --> 00:07:09,167 Germans come through the door. 168 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:10,667 Americans come through the floor. 169 00:07:10,701 --> 00:07:12,434 Now look, mister, we... Hold it, hold it. 170 00:07:20,267 --> 00:07:22,100 Hi. Colonel Robert E. Hogan, 171 00:07:22,133 --> 00:07:24,234 U.S. Army Air Corps, semiretired. 172 00:07:24,267 --> 00:07:27,334 I'm Charlene Hemsley, adagio dancer. 173 00:07:29,501 --> 00:07:32,667 I'm Ginger Wilson, and this is Kathy Pruitt. 174 00:07:32,701 --> 00:07:34,000 She certainly is. 175 00:07:34,033 --> 00:07:36,267 Has anybody interrogated you yet? 176 00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:38,033 That one guard sort of got a little fresh. 177 00:07:38,067 --> 00:07:39,667 No, they just 178 00:07:39,701 --> 00:07:41,901 dumped us in here, and we haven't seen anybody yet. 179 00:07:41,934 --> 00:07:44,267 Good. Look, according to the Geneva convention, 180 00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:46,801 you're not required to give anything but your name, 181 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,501 your unit and the key you sing in. 182 00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:50,901 Should I tell them I'm double-jointed? 183 00:07:50,934 --> 00:07:53,200 Only under extreme torture. 184 00:07:54,501 --> 00:07:55,968 How long will they keep us here? 185 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,534 They'll be moving you out any minute. 186 00:07:57,567 --> 00:07:59,467 All right, now, listen, this is important. 187 00:07:59,501 --> 00:08:02,667 Why are the Krauts so interested in you three, 188 00:08:02,701 --> 00:08:04,834 aside from the obvious reasons? 189 00:08:04,868 --> 00:08:06,000 Beats me. 190 00:08:06,033 --> 00:08:07,334 We don't know. 191 00:08:07,367 --> 00:08:09,033 We really can't figure it out. 192 00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:11,667 You see, we were doing our act for this infantry outfit 193 00:08:11,701 --> 00:08:12,868 when there was an attack. 194 00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:14,167 Well, we jumped into a jeep, 195 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,501 and we thought we were heading for headquarters. 196 00:08:16,534 --> 00:08:18,667 Well, the next thing we knew, there we were 197 00:08:18,701 --> 00:08:22,167 hiding in an underground shelter surrounded by Germans. 198 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,367 What was in the shelter? 199 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,033 A lot of very fresh soldiers. 200 00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:28,334 Boy, was it scary. 201 00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:30,367 There were these long, thin shells. 202 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,968 They looked like torpedoes. 203 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,234 Yeah. Yeah, that's right. 204 00:08:33,267 --> 00:08:34,534 With, like, little wings on them. 205 00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:36,534 Sort of like something out of Buck Rogers. 206 00:08:36,567 --> 00:08:37,701 Torpedoes with wings... 207 00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:39,701 Buck Rogers... 208 00:08:40,901 --> 00:08:42,534 Rockets. 209 00:08:42,567 --> 00:08:45,634 I was with them for two years. 210 00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:48,567 Not Rockettes, dear. 211 00:08:48,601 --> 00:08:50,100 Rockets. 212 00:08:50,133 --> 00:08:51,467 A rocket base. 213 00:08:51,501 --> 00:08:52,968 That's what the Krauts are hiding. 214 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,234 Where was it? Don't ask me. 215 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,801 I couldn't even find my way out of a telephone booth. 216 00:08:56,834 --> 00:08:58,567 How long did it take you to get here? 217 00:08:58,601 --> 00:09:00,300 It was about four hours. Yeah, right. 218 00:09:00,334 --> 00:09:02,501 By autobahn? Highway? 219 00:09:02,534 --> 00:09:05,834 It was a very bumpy road. 220 00:09:05,868 --> 00:09:08,834 A few minutes after we started, we passed through a small town. 221 00:09:08,868 --> 00:09:11,834 There was a cathedral with, like, a real tall spire. 222 00:09:11,868 --> 00:09:13,300 Yeah, that's Hofberg. 223 00:09:13,334 --> 00:09:16,367 It's about 80 miles due east of here. 224 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:19,934 By truck, four hours would be just about right. 225 00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:24,667 Welcome to Stalag 13, ladies. 226 00:09:24,701 --> 00:09:26,801 Welcome, welcome, welcome. 227 00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:30,300 Newkirk's the name, ladies, but you can call me Peter. 228 00:09:30,334 --> 00:09:32,334 Voilà. 229 00:09:32,367 --> 00:09:35,300 A little bouquet to brighten up your room. 230 00:09:35,334 --> 00:09:36,434 He's a magician. 231 00:09:36,467 --> 00:09:39,200 I was held over two weeks in Blackpool. 232 00:09:39,234 --> 00:09:41,367 Don't tell me, I know. 233 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:43,100 Back in the tunnel. 234 00:09:50,901 --> 00:09:52,834 ♪ Yankee Doodle came to town ♪ 235 00:09:52,868 --> 00:09:54,167 ♪ Riding on a pony. ♪ 236 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,501 We don't need a concert, LeBeau. 237 00:09:56,534 --> 00:09:58,000 Both of you, back in the tunnel. 238 00:09:58,033 --> 00:09:59,367 Now, sir, I'm not going to let you 239 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:00,667 take the risk all on your own. 240 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:01,834 We're in this together... 241 00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:04,000 The Union Jack and the Star Spangled Banner. 242 00:10:04,033 --> 00:10:06,334 And let's not forget the Statue of Liberty. 243 00:10:06,534 --> 00:10:08,601 You're cute. 244 00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:11,033 Hey, Colonel, 245 00:10:11,067 --> 00:10:13,701 are you authorized to perform wedding ceremonies? 246 00:10:13,734 --> 00:10:15,200 Newkirk? 247 00:10:15,234 --> 00:10:17,367 Will you give the bride away? 248 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,167 My pleasure... 249 00:10:21,234 --> 00:10:23,367 The door. 250 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,300 Who is it? 251 00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:27,067 It's me, Sergeant Schultz. 252 00:10:30,868 --> 00:10:34,033 Oh. Oh, come in, Sergeant. 253 00:10:38,834 --> 00:10:42,200 Guten Morgen, Frauleins. 254 00:10:42,234 --> 00:10:46,334 I'm Sergeant Schultz. 255 00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:49,434 Very happy to meet you, Sergeant. 256 00:10:50,534 --> 00:10:52,834 Eins... zwei... 257 00:10:52,868 --> 00:10:55,501 Where is drei? 258 00:10:55,534 --> 00:10:58,501 Oh, uh, well, she's changing, Sergeant. 259 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,968 I brought you a bottle of wine 260 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,434 to make your stay here more pleasant. 261 00:11:11,467 --> 00:11:13,501 It was very thoughtful of you, Sergeant. 262 00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:26,501 Eins... zwei... 263 00:11:26,534 --> 00:11:29,200 drei... vier. 264 00:11:29,234 --> 00:11:31,033 Drei is here. 265 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,133 Oh, Schultz, you're too late. 266 00:11:34,167 --> 00:11:35,300 We already voted. 267 00:11:35,334 --> 00:11:36,467 Colonel Hogan, 268 00:11:36,501 --> 00:11:37,634 what are you doing in here?! 269 00:11:37,667 --> 00:11:40,234 Schultz, we heard the guards were having a party. 270 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,968 Thank you for bringing the wine. 271 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,634 Please, Colonel Hogan. 272 00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:44,801 I'll bet you Commandant Klink 273 00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:46,634 would take a very dim view of this, Schultz. 274 00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:48,133 But if you don't tell him we were here, 275 00:11:48,167 --> 00:11:49,334 we won't tell him you were here. 276 00:11:49,367 --> 00:11:50,501 Where's the corkscrew? 277 00:11:50,534 --> 00:11:51,667 The corkscrew. 278 00:11:51,701 --> 00:11:53,000 No corkscrew! 279 00:11:53,033 --> 00:11:54,667 Back to the barracks where you belong. 280 00:11:54,701 --> 00:11:57,167 Back, back, back, back! 281 00:12:04,567 --> 00:12:06,767 Frauleins, this is Kommandant Klink. 282 00:12:06,801 --> 00:12:08,567 Come in. 283 00:12:13,501 --> 00:12:16,067 Good morning, Frauleins. 284 00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:17,601 Good morning, Kommandant. 285 00:12:17,634 --> 00:12:20,634 I hope you're enjoying your stay with us? 286 00:12:20,667 --> 00:12:22,567 Oh, yes, yes, it's a very nice place to visit, 287 00:12:22,601 --> 00:12:24,000 but we'd really hate to live here. 288 00:12:24,033 --> 00:12:26,200 You see, I think we're allergic to barbed wire, dogs 289 00:12:26,234 --> 00:12:27,501 and German guards. 290 00:12:27,534 --> 00:12:28,868 Ah, ah, ah! 291 00:12:28,901 --> 00:12:32,200 It's all necessary to maintain the reputation 292 00:12:32,234 --> 00:12:33,734 of Stalag 13 293 00:12:33,767 --> 00:12:36,868 as the toughest POW camp in all of Germany. 294 00:12:39,434 --> 00:12:40,334 Trick or treat. 295 00:12:43,968 --> 00:12:46,834 What are you doing here? 296 00:12:46,868 --> 00:12:48,834 K-Kommandant, 297 00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:52,601 I-I was inspecting the barracks. 298 00:12:52,634 --> 00:12:55,968 With a bottle of wine? 299 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,701 You came for funny business 300 00:12:58,734 --> 00:12:59,968 with these girls? 301 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,067 Sure, and I suppose you're here 302 00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,033 to hold a religious service? 303 00:13:04,067 --> 00:13:06,534 Colonel Hogan, I am holding you 304 00:13:06,567 --> 00:13:08,367 personally responsible for this. 305 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,667 And you, Schultz, will be... 306 00:13:12,501 --> 00:13:15,133 Ah, Captain Heinrich! 307 00:13:15,167 --> 00:13:16,367 Captain Heinrich, I-I... 308 00:13:17,767 --> 00:13:19,000 I suppose you're wondering 309 00:13:19,033 --> 00:13:21,300 why I'm holding this bottle of wine in my hand. 310 00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,167 You are aware, Colonel, 311 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:26,167 of the non-fraternization regulations? 312 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,667 I was just explaining that 313 00:13:27,701 --> 00:13:29,567 to these women, Captain Heinrich. 314 00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:32,267 Say, why don't we all drink to that regulation? 315 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:33,534 Silence! 316 00:13:33,567 --> 00:13:35,734 In the interests of security, Colonel, 317 00:13:35,767 --> 00:13:37,367 I think it is wiser 318 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,801 if I take these girls out of this camp 319 00:13:39,834 --> 00:13:41,133 as soon as possible. 320 00:13:41,167 --> 00:13:42,868 We will leave tomorrow. 321 00:13:42,901 --> 00:13:44,734 And by whose orders? 322 00:13:44,767 --> 00:13:46,267 They are my prisoners. 323 00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:49,100 I get my orders directly from Berlin! 324 00:13:49,133 --> 00:13:50,267 Oh, I know him. 325 00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:51,834 He wrote "God Bless America." 326 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,701 I can also tell you, Colonel Klink, 327 00:13:57,734 --> 00:14:01,868 that my report to Headquarters will not be flattering to you. 328 00:14:14,167 --> 00:14:15,367 I thought they'd never leave. 329 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,734 Hey, the wine steward is here. 330 00:14:16,767 --> 00:14:17,968 Did you bring the glasses? 331 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,033 Raus! 332 00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:21,067 Killjoy. 333 00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:22,667 Raus! 334 00:14:22,701 --> 00:14:24,334 Last time you work at one of my parties. 335 00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:25,334 Raus! 336 00:14:25,367 --> 00:14:26,534 Do drop in again. 337 00:14:26,567 --> 00:14:28,801 Raus! 338 00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:31,868 I, uh, just got radio confirmation 339 00:14:31,901 --> 00:14:33,033 from London, Colonel. 340 00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:34,234 It's all set. 341 00:14:34,267 --> 00:14:35,968 Good. When do they bomb the rocket site? 342 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,968 Tomorrow at 2300 hours. 343 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,601 Colonel, if they bomb the emplacement, 344 00:14:39,634 --> 00:14:40,667 they're sure to know 345 00:14:40,701 --> 00:14:42,167 the information came from the girls. 346 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,367 It won't matter by them. 347 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,968 The girls will be out the tunnel on their way to London. 348 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,400 Yeah, as soon as the sub calls in, 349 00:14:47,434 --> 00:14:48,667 I'll arrange for a rendezvous. 350 00:14:48,701 --> 00:14:49,801 Good, good. 351 00:14:49,834 --> 00:14:51,601 You know, I kind of hate to see them go. 352 00:14:51,634 --> 00:14:55,133 I like the idea of a coed POW camp. 353 00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,234 Hey... Come on up. 354 00:15:03,267 --> 00:15:05,033 Uh-huh. What happened? 355 00:15:05,067 --> 00:15:06,033 It's a cave-in, sir. 356 00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:07,701 Oh. Oh. 357 00:15:07,734 --> 00:15:09,334 Here, sit down. 358 00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:11,801 Are you hurt? 359 00:15:15,634 --> 00:15:16,901 Boy. Where? 360 00:15:16,934 --> 00:15:18,601 It's the new section of the tunnel, 361 00:15:18,634 --> 00:15:20,200 right near the girls' barracks. 362 00:15:20,234 --> 00:15:22,000 How bad is it? 363 00:15:22,033 --> 00:15:23,567 Complete washout. 364 00:15:23,601 --> 00:15:25,167 You guys didn't brace it enough. 365 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,801 With girls at the other end? 366 00:15:26,834 --> 00:15:28,234 Who stopped for braces? 367 00:15:28,267 --> 00:15:29,234 Can we still reach 'em? 368 00:15:29,267 --> 00:15:30,734 Not without a ruddy bulldozer 369 00:15:30,868 --> 00:15:31,934 you can't, sir. 370 00:15:31,968 --> 00:15:33,234 It'll take days to clear. 371 00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:34,734 If they're going to bomb tomorrow, 372 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,901 how are we going to get those girls out tonight? 373 00:15:36,934 --> 00:15:38,067 Well, don't look at me. 374 00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:39,834 I can't help us. 375 00:15:39,868 --> 00:15:43,434 When all else fails, there's always Colonel Klink. 376 00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:51,133 Schultz, here is a list 377 00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,534 of punishments and restrictions 378 00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:53,701 for the prisoners. 379 00:15:53,734 --> 00:15:55,300 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 380 00:15:56,501 --> 00:15:58,767 And they can thank you for that. 381 00:15:58,801 --> 00:16:01,033 Shouldn't you check that with Captain Heinrich? 382 00:16:01,067 --> 00:16:02,701 Check with Captain Heinrich? 383 00:16:02,734 --> 00:16:04,868 You don't want to go over his head, do you? 384 00:16:04,901 --> 00:16:06,133 Hogan, may I remind you 385 00:16:06,167 --> 00:16:08,100 that I am the Kommandant of this camp. 386 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,300 Don't remind me. 387 00:16:09,334 --> 00:16:10,501 Remind him. 388 00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:12,033 Dismissed. 389 00:16:12,067 --> 00:16:13,267 Ah, it's no skin off my nose, 390 00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:15,601 if your men are laughing behind your back. 391 00:16:15,634 --> 00:16:17,367 Hogan, no one laughs 392 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,767 behind Colonel Klink's back! 393 00:16:19,801 --> 00:16:21,267 Look, face the facts. 394 00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:23,868 Since Captain Heinrich has been running this camp, your men... 395 00:16:23,901 --> 00:16:25,934 Captain Heinrich has not been running this camp. 396 00:16:25,968 --> 00:16:27,868 All right, but he doesn't care 397 00:16:27,901 --> 00:16:31,434 if those women cause trouble and ruin Stalag 13's reputation. 398 00:16:31,467 --> 00:16:32,501 What? What? 399 00:16:32,734 --> 00:16:35,133 Forget it. 400 00:16:35,167 --> 00:16:36,634 So what if he did go over your head 401 00:16:36,667 --> 00:16:38,400 and order those girls to Berlin tomorrow. 402 00:16:38,434 --> 00:16:39,801 When you know it would be smarter 403 00:16:39,834 --> 00:16:41,234 to have them shipped out tonight. 404 00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:42,701 What? What? 405 00:16:42,734 --> 00:16:45,434 It's not important if those girls cause a riot. 406 00:16:45,467 --> 00:16:47,033 Important? 407 00:16:47,067 --> 00:16:50,367 I will decide what's important. 408 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,601 They're going out tonight! 409 00:16:53,634 --> 00:16:55,033 Schultz, tell Captain Heinrich 410 00:16:55,067 --> 00:16:57,033 that I order him to move those girls 411 00:16:57,067 --> 00:16:58,267 to Berlin, tonight! 412 00:16:58,300 --> 00:16:59,701 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 413 00:16:59,734 --> 00:17:01,868 As for you, I... 414 00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,767 Evening, Fritz. 415 00:17:08,801 --> 00:17:10,601 Lovely weather we're having. 416 00:17:10,634 --> 00:17:12,534 Nice night for a raid on Berlin, what? 417 00:17:15,033 --> 00:17:16,300 Schnell, schnell! 418 00:17:16,334 --> 00:17:17,934 All right, no need to get huffy, mate. 419 00:17:19,167 --> 00:17:21,801 Just hope to stay alive, that's all. 420 00:17:26,067 --> 00:17:27,200 All set? 421 00:17:27,234 --> 00:17:28,334 Worked like a charm. 422 00:17:28,367 --> 00:17:29,534 All right. Let's get going 423 00:17:29,567 --> 00:17:30,868 before they load the girls in the truck. 424 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:48,834 Sergeant, a bomb! 425 00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,501 Sergeant! 426 00:17:50,534 --> 00:17:53,634 A bomb, a bomb. 427 00:17:55,901 --> 00:17:57,033 Sergeant... 428 00:18:02,634 --> 00:18:04,667 Turn off the... 429 00:18:06,901 --> 00:18:08,133 Oh, come on, Bearheart. 430 00:18:08,167 --> 00:18:09,334 Shame on you. 431 00:18:09,367 --> 00:18:10,334 What's all that jazz 432 00:18:10,367 --> 00:18:11,501 about man's best friend? 433 00:18:15,501 --> 00:18:16,634 Don't pad your part. 434 00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:23,133 Hi. Oh, hi, fellas. 435 00:18:23,167 --> 00:18:25,133 You're just in time for the going-away party. 436 00:18:25,167 --> 00:18:26,133 You're not going. 437 00:18:26,167 --> 00:18:27,367 Tell that to Captain Heinrich. 438 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:28,868 What do you mean, we're not going? 439 00:18:28,901 --> 00:18:31,000 Look, I think we can help you to escape to England 440 00:18:31,033 --> 00:18:32,501 if you're willing to take a chance. 441 00:18:32,534 --> 00:18:34,100 Anything's better than being booked 442 00:18:34,133 --> 00:18:35,968 in a German prison camp for three years. 443 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:36,868 I'll go along with that. 444 00:18:37,133 --> 00:18:38,100 Me, too. 445 00:18:38,133 --> 00:18:39,267 What's the plan, Colonel? 446 00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:41,434 This is the way it stacks up. 447 00:18:41,467 --> 00:18:43,100 We're going to change places with the girls. 448 00:18:43,133 --> 00:18:44,767 What? 449 00:18:44,801 --> 00:18:46,534 The three of us go out in the truck tonight 450 00:18:46,567 --> 00:18:47,868 while the girls hide back here. 451 00:18:47,901 --> 00:18:49,133 Brilliant. 452 00:18:49,167 --> 00:18:51,133 Fantastic. He always comes up with... 453 00:18:51,167 --> 00:18:53,667 Colonel, what good does it do the girls 454 00:18:53,701 --> 00:18:55,133 if you guys escape? 455 00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:56,634 Yeah. 456 00:18:56,667 --> 00:18:59,100 After we escape, we sneak back into camp. 457 00:18:59,133 --> 00:19:00,334 We arrange to have the girls 458 00:19:00,367 --> 00:19:01,801 go out in the dog truck tomorrow. 459 00:19:01,834 --> 00:19:03,400 Of course. I said it was brilliant. 460 00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:04,934 Don't you see? It will be easy. 461 00:19:04,968 --> 00:19:07,334 Because half the guards will be out looking for you. 462 00:19:07,367 --> 00:19:08,567 He's a ruddy genius, 463 00:19:08,601 --> 00:19:10,100 even if he is an officer. 464 00:19:10,133 --> 00:19:12,033 Can you get away with this? 465 00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:13,400 I mean, yeah. 466 00:19:13,434 --> 00:19:16,067 Uh, I may not be Miss America, but, uh, 467 00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:17,934 I don't look like a fella. 468 00:19:17,968 --> 00:19:19,567 You can say that again. 469 00:19:19,601 --> 00:19:20,467 Ma'am. 470 00:19:22,267 --> 00:19:23,434 All right, let's get going. 471 00:19:23,467 --> 00:19:25,033 No, no, no. Wait, wait. 472 00:19:25,067 --> 00:19:27,934 If-If we change places 473 00:19:27,968 --> 00:19:29,934 with the girls tonight, 474 00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:33,000 then that means that... 475 00:19:33,033 --> 00:19:35,267 I just got it. 476 00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:36,667 So did I. 477 00:19:36,701 --> 00:19:38,734 You want us to wear their clothes? 478 00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:40,734 You know a better way to look like women? 479 00:19:40,767 --> 00:19:41,767 Well... Well, that's out. 480 00:19:41,801 --> 00:19:43,267 Forget it. 481 00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:45,133 The articles of war do not require me 482 00:19:45,167 --> 00:19:46,467 to wear ladies' clothing. 483 00:19:46,501 --> 00:19:48,801 Will you wait a minute? 484 00:19:48,834 --> 00:19:49,968 There's no danger. 485 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,167 It's dark out. 486 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,734 And besides, look what I've got. 487 00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:55,467 Private Ninowski, our wigmaker, does beautiful work. 488 00:19:57,434 --> 00:19:58,634 Look, Colonel, 489 00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:00,267 I'd rather grab a machine gun 490 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,234 from the guards and blast our way out. 491 00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:03,567 I'll help you, LeBeau. 492 00:20:03,601 --> 00:20:04,601 Come on. 493 00:20:04,634 --> 00:20:05,868 All right! 494 00:20:05,901 --> 00:20:08,033 I didn't want to do it this way, but I order you. 495 00:20:08,067 --> 00:20:11,000 Put on their clothes and these wigs. 496 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,334 And if I disobey the order? 497 00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:17,000 Court-martial and firing squad. 498 00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:22,567 Well, no bandage for my eyes. 499 00:20:22,601 --> 00:20:23,868 Vive la France. 500 00:20:23,901 --> 00:20:27,000 Sir, you can hang me from the highest yardarm, 501 00:20:27,033 --> 00:20:29,167 but under no circumstances 502 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,567 will we dress as women. 503 00:20:36,734 --> 00:20:39,767 Hey, you guys look pretty convincing. 504 00:20:39,801 --> 00:20:41,400 Shut up! 505 00:20:41,534 --> 00:20:42,834 Oui, shut up! 506 00:20:42,868 --> 00:20:44,334 If you tell anybody about this, 507 00:20:44,367 --> 00:20:46,701 I will personally poison your food. 508 00:20:46,734 --> 00:20:48,033 All right, easy, men. 509 00:20:48,067 --> 00:20:49,300 Look, Carter, after we leave, 510 00:20:49,334 --> 00:20:50,868 take the girls back to our barracks. 511 00:20:50,901 --> 00:20:52,100 R-Right, Colonel. 512 00:20:52,133 --> 00:20:53,934 Keep them out of sight as much as possible, 513 00:20:53,968 --> 00:20:56,567 because we don't... 514 00:20:56,634 --> 00:20:57,734 You know, Newkirk... 515 00:20:57,767 --> 00:20:59,133 What? You look good in basic black. 516 00:21:03,834 --> 00:21:04,968 Jawohl. 517 00:21:21,868 --> 00:21:23,167 Fresh! 518 00:21:48,434 --> 00:21:49,434 What's the matter, dear? 519 00:21:50,601 --> 00:21:52,200 It must be her appendix! Stop the truck! 520 00:21:52,234 --> 00:21:53,334 Stop the truck! 521 00:21:53,367 --> 00:21:54,767 Tell them to stop the truck! 522 00:21:54,801 --> 00:21:55,934 Kathy is sick! 523 00:21:55,968 --> 00:21:57,267 I believe I'm going to faint! 524 00:21:57,300 --> 00:21:59,300 Quick, quick! 525 00:22:06,167 --> 00:22:07,534 What is this? 526 00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:09,067 LeBEAU: It's Kathy! She's not well! 527 00:22:09,100 --> 00:22:12,434 I think she has the vapors, whatever that is! 528 00:22:13,834 --> 00:22:17,067 Keep her quiet for the rest of the trip, or you will... 529 00:22:17,100 --> 00:22:17,467 Oh! 530 00:22:21,234 --> 00:22:22,501 Come on. It's all right? 531 00:22:22,534 --> 00:22:23,634 Yeah, we did pretty well. 532 00:22:23,701 --> 00:22:24,701 You did a great job. 533 00:22:24,734 --> 00:22:25,934 Fine. Let's go! All right... 534 00:22:25,968 --> 00:22:27,100 Wait. Hey, wait a minute. 535 00:22:27,133 --> 00:22:28,267 What's the matter? 536 00:22:28,300 --> 00:22:29,367 Is my mascara running? 537 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,200 Oh. 538 00:22:32,234 --> 00:22:34,701 I don't know. Maybe they ran into some sort of trouble. 539 00:22:34,734 --> 00:22:36,467 Maybe something happened. I don't know. 540 00:22:36,501 --> 00:22:38,300 Yeah, maybe his garter belt snapped. 541 00:22:38,334 --> 00:22:40,267 I don't think that would have slowed him down. 542 00:22:40,300 --> 00:22:42,100 Well, it's hard to win a war 543 00:22:42,133 --> 00:22:44,200 when your stockings are falling down. 544 00:22:47,234 --> 00:22:48,701 We're home! 545 00:22:48,734 --> 00:22:50,067 How'd it go? 546 00:22:50,100 --> 00:22:51,767 - Oh, piece of cake. - Fine, fine. 547 00:22:53,501 --> 00:22:54,801 LeBEAU: Yeah, fine. 548 00:22:54,834 --> 00:22:56,834 Oh, my God. 549 00:22:56,868 --> 00:22:59,667 Colonel... 550 00:22:59,701 --> 00:23:01,567 how can we ever thank you? 551 00:23:03,701 --> 00:23:05,801 Leave your names and addresses, and after the war, 552 00:23:05,834 --> 00:23:08,067 I'm sure we can work something out. 553 00:23:13,367 --> 00:23:15,033 Come in. 554 00:23:15,067 --> 00:23:17,200 Now, Colonel Hogan, you asked permission to see me? 555 00:23:17,234 --> 00:23:18,367 Right, sir. 556 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:19,667 Request permission for my men 557 00:23:19,701 --> 00:23:21,067 to have extra rations tomorrow. 558 00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:22,634 Why do you want extra rations? 559 00:23:22,667 --> 00:23:23,968 Don't tell me you've forgotten. 560 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:25,067 It's a holiday. 561 00:23:25,100 --> 00:23:27,067 What holiday? 562 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,634 Armistice Day. 563 00:23:28,667 --> 00:23:31,267 It's the day we beat the Germans in the First World... 564 00:23:32,901 --> 00:23:34,033 Sorry, sir. 565 00:23:34,067 --> 00:23:35,834 It's in bad taste. 566 00:23:35,868 --> 00:23:37,501 Permission refused. 567 00:23:37,534 --> 00:23:39,133 Colonel, you're invited to the party. 568 00:23:39,167 --> 00:23:40,300 The men insisted. 569 00:23:40,334 --> 00:23:41,467 Request denied. 570 00:23:41,501 --> 00:23:42,767 I hate a poor loser. 571 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,567 Oh, uh... 572 00:23:46,601 --> 00:23:48,567 what do you hear from your old boss, 573 00:23:48,601 --> 00:23:50,901 Captain Heinrich? 574 00:23:50,934 --> 00:23:53,334 The Captain you admire so much, Hogan, 575 00:23:53,367 --> 00:23:54,934 has met with disgrace. 576 00:23:54,968 --> 00:23:57,334 No! 577 00:23:57,367 --> 00:24:01,467 He allowed the three lady prisoners to escape. 578 00:24:01,501 --> 00:24:02,734 I can't believe it. 579 00:24:02,767 --> 00:24:04,734 And I heard that he was... 580 00:24:06,067 --> 00:24:08,033 overpowered by a lady's handbag. 581 00:24:09,501 --> 00:24:11,067 Did you ever see what a woman carried 582 00:24:11,100 --> 00:24:12,400 in her purse? 583 00:24:12,434 --> 00:24:14,634 If headquarters would have left those women with me, 584 00:24:14,667 --> 00:24:16,000 this never would have happened! 585 00:24:16,033 --> 00:24:17,234 What harm can three girls do? 586 00:24:17,267 --> 00:24:19,367 Because of them, the enemy bombed one 587 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,501 of our most important experimental stations. 588 00:24:21,534 --> 00:24:23,300 Dismissed. 589 00:24:24,634 --> 00:24:25,801 Rockets? Yes. 590 00:24:27,033 --> 00:24:28,000 Who said rockets? 591 00:24:28,033 --> 00:24:29,534 You did. 592 00:24:29,567 --> 00:24:31,300 But your secret's safe with me.